


THE RELEVANT, ESSENTIAL, AND TRUE BALLAD OF PIPPY LONGSTOCKING HARLEY-LALONDE-MARYAM

by quartzandmelody



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fixing Canon, Fluff, Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Pregnancy, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy, brief discussion of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26342554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartzandmelody/pseuds/quartzandmelody
Summary: Jade and Rose have a baby together but they ask Kanaya first and also they're all in love with each other.AKA Jade deserved better and this is incredibly self-indulgent
Relationships: Jade Harley/Kanaya Maryam, Jade Harley/Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley/Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> My piece for LalondeZine!! Go search it up on twitter and check it out!! ♥

Rose walks in the door, greeted by Kanaya who is cradling their daughter, Vriska, close to her chest. 

KANAYA: Where Have You Been

Her tone conveys slight urgency and concern, but she does not take her eyes away from her daughter as she speaks.

ROSE: Sorry, dear.  
ROSE: Jade sent a summons before I left, saying it was an emergency.  
ROSE: I was too nervous to spend any time in telling you where I was going.  
KANAYA: An Emergency  
KANAYA: Is She Alright  
ROSE: She's fine. It wasn't actually an emergency, really.  
KANAYA: Ah  
KANAYA: What Was It Then

Kanaya passes Vriska off to Rose who grabs a bottle of grub formula off the coffee table.

ROSE: She was mid-emotional breakdown.  
ROSE: Upset because she said it seems that all of her friends are getting married and having children around her.  
ROSE: She feels lonely, and worried that she'll never have the opportunity to raise children of her own.  
KANAYA: She Wants To Adopt Then  
ROSE: No.  
ROSE: She wants a child that is her own flesh and blood.  
ROSE: She's asking me... to be a surrogate.  
KANAYA: Oh  
ROSE: I told her I would have to speak with you before making any promises, so here I am, speaking to you.

Rose sits beside her wife on the couch, who is still feeding Vriska. 

KANAYA: Well  
KANAYA: I Think That Could Be... Nice  
ROSE: You do?  
KANAYA: Sure  
KANAYA: I Understand Jades Desire To Be A Mother Quite Well

She looks lovingly at Vriska.

KANAYA: As She Is One Of My Good Friends I Very Much Want To See Her Happy  
KANAYA: As Long As You Are Alright Carrying This Child I See No Issue

Rose smiles, glancing at Kanaya, sharing the expression, then looking down at Vriska. 

ROSE: I guess Vriska is going to be a big sister.

ROSE: So, Jade.  
ROSE: I'm sure you know why we're here.

Jade shifts nervously in her seat.

JADE: hopefully not so kanaya can beat me up?

Rose stifles a chuckle and Kanaya smiles, placing a hand atop one of Jade's.

KANAYA: Of Course Not Darling

Jade lets out a comical sigh of relief.

ROSE: Kanaya has agreed to me carrying your child.  
ROSE: On a few conditions.  
JADE: anything!  
KANAYA: Although None Of My Own Genetics Will Be Contributing To This Childs DNA, I Want To Take Part In Raising Them  
KANAYA: Seeing As They Will Technically Be Vriskas Sibling  
KANAYA: I Think That All Three Of Us Should Be Their Mothers  
JADE: kanaya i think thats a great idea!  
JADE: that sounds wonderful!

Tears start to form in Jade's eyes, her dream of motherhood finally starting to come true.  
Rose stands up with a clap.

ROSE: So!  
ROSE: I suppose we should look into all of the necessary paperwork to have me artificially inseminated with your genetic contribution.  
JADE: artificially inseminated?  
ROSE: Er...  
ROSE: Jade...  
ROSE: Were you expecting that we would be...  
ROSE: Conceiving this child through traditional methods?  
JADE: well i didn't know there was any other way!  
ROSE: Hm.  
JADE: im sorry jeez! i grew up on island all by myself how am i supposed to know shit?  
ROSE: I suppose that's fair.  
JADE: i mean i thought it would be awkward to... do that, yeah, but we'd get through it fine!

Kanaya is pointedly silent.

ROSE: I see.  
JADE: it's fine though if there's another way for you to get pregnant without fucking then-

Kanaya clears her throat, drawing both the girls' attention.

KANAYA: I For One Do Not See A Problem With  
KANAYA: Natural Conception  
ROSE: What?  
KANAYA: Of Course It Is Ultimately Your Decision But If The Issue Is That You Two Would Have To  
KANAYA: Copulate  
KANAYA: All I Am Saying Is That I Personally Have No Problem With That  
ROSE: Haha.. What?  
JADE: i am so confused...

Jade's ears flatten to her head. Kanaya Sighs.

KANAYA: Look  
KANAYA: You Two Have Quite A History With One Another

Rose and Jade glance at each other nervously.

KANAYA: And It Is Not Like You Are The Only Other Girl I Have Noticed Rose To Show Attraction To  
JADE: huh???  
ROSE: Pardon?  
ROSE: Kanaya, do you think I have not been loyal to you?  
KANAYA: No!  
KANAYA: I Am Saying That Perhaps Your Love Is Not Limited To Only Me  
KANAYA: And That While I Know That You Love Me

Kanaya twirls the ring on her finger.

KANAYA: There Could Be Others Whom You Would Love As Well

Rose scoffs.

ROSE: I...  
ROSE: Hah...  
ROSE: While this is probably a better conversation to have NOT in front of our dear friend Jade, I have been toying with the idea of... Maybe asking you if we could see other people while remaining married.  
KANAYA: I Figured As Much  
KANAYA: And I Am Open To This Concept

Jade sits there silently and awkwardly, as if watching her friend have a serious discussion with their parents while visiting their house. 

ROSE: You are?  
KANAYA: Yes  
KANAYA: This... Is Difficult To Admit With Almost No Time To Mentally Prepare Myself But  
KANAYA: Jade

She meets Kanaya's eyes.

KANAYA: I Have Been Toying With An Idea Of My Own  
JADE: ...  
KANAYA: I Was Meaning To Ask You Rose  
ROSE: ...  
KANAYA: What Your Thoughts Would Be On Bringing Jade Into Our Relationship

Jade gasps quietly and covers her mouth with both hands. The embarrassment Rose feels is unmatched. Not to overuse a phrase, but the tension in the room is so thick it could be cut with a knife. No other way of putting it.  
What feels like an entire minute (but is probably only like 5 seconds) goes by before Kanaya decides to speak again.

KANAYA: So Is Anyone Going To Say Anything Or Are We Just Going To Sit Here And Stew In The Awkwardness Of What I Just Said  
ROSE: Sorry.  
ROSE: Um.  
ROSE: Ultimately, I believe that decision is up to Jade.  
ROSE: But if she likes the idea, then-  
JADE: I LOVE THE IDEA!!!  
JADE: sorry!  
JADE: go on, rose!  
ROSE: Ahem... If.. If she likes the idea, then I would love to share our love with Jade.

Jade's eyes start to water for the second time this conversation. 

JADE: you guys have... no idea what a dream this is  
JADE: i've been trying to hide my crushes on you since..  
JADE: since i don't even know when!  
JADE: are you really serious?  
KANAYA: I Am  
ROSE: As am I.

Jade giggles and bounces up and down in her seat, before flying towards Rose and Kanaya and scooping them both up in a big hug. :) 

JADE: oh my gosh  
JADE: i cant wait to have a baby with you guys!

She says through tears, muffled by the shoulders of her two new girlfriends.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose is pregnant!!!

Kanaya and Jade wait anxiously on the couch together, twiddling their thumbs, trying to distract themselves with their phones and such, when finally, they hear a flush from the bathroom.  
Jade's ears shoot forward. She and Kanaya stare at the door, waiting for their girlfriend/wife to emerge.  
Slowly, the door is cracked open. Rose steps out of the bathroom with a pregnancy test in hand. Kanaya glances at Jade, whose eyes have begun to water.  
Being the dramatic motherfucker that she is, Rose keeps her head down as she approaches her wife and girlfriend. Jade bounces up and down in her seat, while Kanaya seems calm and collected on the outside, but is trembling with anxiety.  
Rose looks up at them, with a grin on her face. Jade gasps. She jumps out of her seat and wraps her arms around Rose's neck.

JADE: oh, rose! is it real?? is it true???  
ROSE: Yes. "We" are officially pregnant!

Kanaya stands as well, and kisses Rose's lips before Jade gets her turn with a kiss as well. 

ROSE: Though I must admit, that phrasing that is so often used is awfully reductive to the actual pregnant person.  
ROSE: I mean, I am the one who is going to have to endure all of the hazardous physical changes to my body as the baby grows, not to mention the mental health problems pregnancies often cause, as well as the risk of postpartum depression and-  
KANAYA: Rose

Rose sighs with a languid smile. 

ROSE: That is not to say that I am not looking forward to carrying this child.  
ROSE: I am very excited to be pregnant.  
JADE: and we'll be here with you through all of it!  
JADE: right, kanaya?  
KANAYA: Of Course

Kanaya takes Rose's hand in her own. She offers a sweet smile.

KANAYA: Jade And I Will Be Here To Support You And Get You Anything You May Need During Your Pregnancy  
JADE: GOSH i can't believe theres a little baby in there!!

Jade squats down to put her little doggy ear up to Rose's belly. Rose chuckles, and scratches Jade's head. 

KANAYA: I Have Been Doing Some Reading About Human Pregnancy Since Our Discussion With You, Jade, And I Am Certain There Is Not What Could Be Called A Baby In Roses Womb Just Yet  
JADE: hehe oh i KNOW but it is just so exciting!  
JADE: oooh i can't WAIT to meet them!  
JADE: i hope they like us!  
JADE: oh my god what if they don't like us  
ROSE: Don't be silly, Jade, of course they'll- oh my god what if they don't like us?

Rose and Jade look at Kanaya with worry in their eyes.

KANAYA: Please  
KANAYA: Of Course Our Child Will Like Us This Is A Silly Train Of Thought Brought On By An Excess Of Emotion  
ROSE: Of course, of course, thank you, Kanaya.


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baby names...

ROSE: FUCK!!!!  
JADE: rose don't swear the baby can hear you!!!  
ROSE: You think I care about the baby hearing a few fuckwords?  
KANAYA: Another Contraction?

Rose nods, grimacing.

KANAYA: Oh Dear

Kanaya rushes to her wife's side.

KANAYA: Is There Anything I Can Get For You?  
KANAYA: A Glass Of Ice Water Perhaps?  
ROSE: No, no, I'm alright.  
ROSE: It's not so bad.  
ROSE: Screaming "fuck" just makes me feel better.  
JADE: oh okay that's valid i think  
ROSE: Thank you, Jade.  
ROSE: Your confirmation of my validity is the only thing keeping me from falling into insanity, which, might I say, I am on the fucking verge of.  
JADE: it's okay, rose you can be insane i'll still love you

All three of them break out into giggles.

ROSE: Well, then.  
ROSE: I guess I might as well dive head-first into the writhing cesspool of the black tentacles I see before me, whispering in ancient tongues to join them in the depths.  
JADE: haha.........  
JADE: anyway!  
JADE: can we talk about names again?  
JADE: because i wrote down a few more!

Jade pulls her phone out of the back pocket of her jorts and excitedly opens the notes app.

JADE: let's see...  
JADE: oh oh! what do we think of... Janayose! it's like a mixture of all of our names isn't it cute?  
KANAYA: Uh  
KANAYA: What Else Do You Have?  
JADE: ummm  
JADE: Girbler, Fundledunk, Juice, Eggplant, Yiffy  
ROSE: YIFFY?  
JADE: well it would be short for Yiffany Longstocking, of course  
KANAYA: Of Course  
ROSE: How about, in the same vein, Pippy Longstocking?  
JADE: what's wrong with yiffy??  
KANAYA: I Think It Sounds Pretty, Actually  
ROSE: Oh god.  
JADE: see! kanaya likes my name!  
ROSE: Kanaya doesn't know what yiff means.  
KANAYA: Why What Does It Mean?  
JADE: its just a furry word!  
JADE: its funny and cute!  
ROSE: Jade, it means furry porn.  
JADE: come on isnt that funny?!  
ROSE: It.. is a little funny.  
KANAYA: ...  
KANAYA: I... Must Admit It Is One Of The Prettier Names Among Her Other Listed Ones  
KANAYA: But Pippy Is A Very Nice Name As Well  
KANAYA: And I Am Assuming Its Meaning Does Not Relate To Pornography Of Anthropomorphic Animals  
ROSE: Correct.  
JADE: what DOES pippy mean?  
ROSE: If I'm remembering correctly, I believe it's "one who loves horses," or something along those lines.  
JADE: oooohh....  
JADE: wait thats really good, actually  
JADE: okay okay, so if theyre a girl, then pippy longstocking it is!  
ROSE: Isn't that a little stupid?  
JADE: huh?  
ROSE: Names that are "gendered."  
JADE: oh.. yeah lol i guess so!  
JADE: but... i mean i guess i did the same thing naming myself!  
JADE: i thought my name was too masculine, so i changed to something i thought was more feminine!  
ROSE: You were eleven years old, though.  
JADE: that's true..  
JADE: are you saying we should... choose a traditionally gender neutral name?  
ROSE: Not necessarily.  
KANAYA: I Am Incredibly Confused By This Conversation  
ROSE: I'm saying that, regardless of our baby's assigned gender, there is nothing wrong with naming them Pippy.  
JADE: oh!  
JADE: sure ok!  
ROSE: And, if they choose to change their name later in life, that will be fine as well.  
ROSE: Whether it be for gender reasons or not.  
JADE: yeah!  
KANAYA: So We Are All Agreed Then  
KANAYA: The Childs Name Will Be Pippy Longstocking  
JADE: yes yes!!!  
ROSE: Yes.  
JADE: but maybe in my head they will still be yiffy just for fun  
ROSE: Alright, dear.


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Motherhood

After almost an entire day of labor, of Jade and Kanaya tending to Rose's every need, both of them holding her hands as she screamed, the baby's cry is heard.  
Pippy Longstocking Harley-Lalonde-Maryam has been brought into the world.  
Jade and Kanaya squeeze themselves in to cuddle Rose on her hospital bed. She is sweaty and exhausted and in pain, but she is also so so full of love. Love for her new child, and love for her beautiful wife and girlfriend. She eventually falls asleep between the two of them, softly snoring.  
Kanaya stares lovingly at her sleeping wife's face. Though she is coated in sweat and has serious bags under her eyes, Kanaya thinks she is the most beautiful she has ever been. She looks to Jade, still smiling.  
Jade smiles back at her, blissful.  
And then, Pippy starts to cry beside them. 

JADE: (oh no! shh shshshsh)

Jade carefully gets out of the bed, trying her best not to disturb the sleeping Rose. She looks down at Pippy in the baby warmer, her little face scrunched up, her toothless mouth open in sobs, as tears fall down her cheeks.  
She picks her up, cradling her close to her chest. She bounces gently, rocking Pippy in her arms.

JADE: (hey hey it's okay! shhhshshs it's alright!)

In a moment, Kanaya is standing beside them. She brings tissues to dry Pippy's tears. 

KANAYA: (Shall I Wake Rose?)  
KANAYA: (Perhaps Shes Hungry)  
JADE: (no no not yet...)  
JADE: (maybe she just wants some attention)

Pippy continues to cry, letting out a screech that makes her and Kanaya wince.

JADE: (hey sh sh its okay! m-mommy's here!)

As she looks at her baby, who has began to stop crying, Jade is hit with a wave of emotion. 

JADE: mommy's here...

Tears of euphoria cascade down Jade's cheeks as a grin takes up her entire face. Kanaya drapes an arm over her shoulders, and caresses Pippy's cheek with her thumb. 

JADE: i... i can't believe this is really happening  
JADE: this..  
JADE: this is MY daughter..  
KANAYA: It Really Is Something Else Isnt It  
KANAYA: To Feel The Maternal Love For Your Newly Hatched  
KANAYA: Er  
KANAYA: Born  
JADE: hehe  
JADE: but  
JADE: your species never raised your own young, right?  
KANAYA: Right  
JADE: so you probably never even had that desire!  
JADE: ive been wanting this practically my whole life and i FINALLY have it  
JADE: a child of my own...

Kanaya pauses for a moment in consideration.

KANAYA: Perhaps I Never Held The Same Desire You Did In Your Youth To Be A Mother  
KANAYA: And Of Course I Do Not Mean To Conflate Our Experiences As Being Entirely One In The Same  
KANAYA: But After Taking In Vriska  
KANAYA: I Cannot Imagine My Life Any Other Way  
KANAYA: It Was As If I Was Hatched To Be A Mother Which In A Way I Suppose I Kind Of Was As A Jadeblood  
KANAYA: But Those Duties Would Have Been Nothing Like This  
KANAYA: Raising Your Own Child

Kanaya dries the tears of both Jade and Pippy with a few extra tissues.

KANAYA: When We First Came Back To Earth C And Rose And I Began Working In The Brooding Caverns  
KANAYA: I Never Really Felt That Same Connection  
KANAYA: That Maternal Love  
KANAYA: That I Feel For Vriska  
KANAYA: And That I Feel For Pippy  
KANAYA: I Am Glad That You Get To Experience This Joy As Well, Jade  
JADE: heh... me too


End file.
